What is the essence of self-confidence? Is is the ability to be comfortable in any social situation? Is it the ability to take on any challenge regardless of the negative thoughts that urge you to stay in your comfort zone? Is is the ability to stand up for your rights and not compromise on your dreams?

The short answer is, yes. The long answer goes a little deeper.

What is Self Confidence?

self mastery When you think about a person who is confident in any social situation, what do you picture? Probably someone who always says the right thing; who looks people in the eye and has a strong physical presence. Someone who walks up to people to interact with them instead of waiting on the sidelines, hoping to remain invisible while at the same time wanting someone to talk to…

When you think about a person who takes on challenges, what do you picture? Probably someone who understands potential problems and goes ahead anyway.

When you think about a person who stands up for their rights and never compromises on their dreams, what do you picture? Probably someone who says “No” when everyone else says “Yes”; someone who knows what they want out of life and does what it takes to make those dreams happen.

Do you see the common thread?

The common thread is not some genetic fluke that makes one person more confident than the crowd. The common thread is not something we are born with but something we develop.

Everyone is born with amazing self-confidence. A baby knows no limitations. It wants what it wants and it makes those wants known… fully expecting those wants to be taken care of by the parents. Over the years, an increasing number of “No’s” creep into our lives – “You can’t do that, have that, be that”; “Don’t be selfish”, “Always put others first” and so forth. Not that all of this is ‘bad’ advice – but it all has an effect on self-confidence.

And we have all grown up with some sort of limitations that we have created in our minds based on what we’ve learned from others and from our own experiences. So what is that common thread that confident people possess?

It is self-mastery.

self confidenceA person who walks into a social situation and owns it, masterfully controls his or her fears and insecurities; when others avoid eye contact and hide in the shadows, the confident person takes control of their emotions and goes ahead with what they want to achieve – to interact with other people.

A person who takes on any challenge, no matter how daunting, likewise has impeccable control of their emotions. Fear is dealt with and overcome. The confident person is able to focus on their objective and move through all of the emotional and mental limitations that stop most people in their tracks.

A person who stands up for their rights and never compromises on their dreams also has perfect self-control. They may want to say “yes” when they mean “no” just to please someone – but ultimately they override all emotions that are not aligned with their purpose. They can say “no” with integrity, knowing that their talents and time are better suited to something else. A confident person does not let anything stand in their way.

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You see, 99% of the obstacles that stop your dreams from being realized LIVE IN YOUR MIND. They are pure imagination. They are manufactured scenarios of doom-and-gloom, and most of us don’t know that we can change this destructive thought pattern. A confident person realizes that their worries are nothing but imagination gone bad – and they have the self-mastery to create the imagery in their minds that supports their goals and aspirations.

You may think that people won’t like you when you go into a social situation. Do you have any evidence of that? Or is that fear all in your head?

You may think that the goals you want to achieve are nice, but out of your reach. Do you have any evidence of that? Sure, you may not currently possess the skills and knowledge you need to achieve those goals, but are you incapable of acquiring those? Is the fear of failure based on fact, or based on old experiences? If it’s based on old experiences, where is it written that those experiences MUST be repeated? What can you do to keep that from happening?

You may think that you have to say “yes” when you mean “no” just to keep the peace and make people happy. But ultimately, this always backfires. You end up being resentful, antsy and frustrated wishing you could be spending your precious time doing something that is meaningful to you… of course there are times when helping someone out is the right thing to do. But too often, we get talked into social obligations and other situations that do not benefit us. And what about your dreams? Are you compromising them in favor of the status quo? Are you afraid to make waves? Are you more focused on supporting other people than going for your own dreams?

Developing the Self Mastery that Gives You Self Confidence

Self-mastery is essential to confidence. How do you achieve this self-mastery? The Silva Method can help!

Every exercise in the Silva Method is designed to give you increasing levels of control over your thoughts, emotions and behavior. You learn to enter the alpha brainwave state where you can identify the beliefs that are keeping you afraid and anxious; and you can successfully reprogram those beliefs so they support your dreams instead of sabotaging them.

The fact is, we NEED other people in order to achieve our dreams. If social interactions are making you anxious, you must develop the self-mastery to confidently walk up to people, establish relationships, and ask for what you want.

 

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